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I am…

I studied my elementary education long before I started to comprehend my ABC, I didn’t know why I was forced to understand, when all I want to do is play with all my toys, most specially my doll house. I remembered decorating it, I dismantled that doll house until I was not able to fix it the way I want it. What more could I ask for?

The Tambis Clan, the family that I grew up with is more of a philanthropist, my eyes were open to sharing, and my little heart was not. I detested the idea of giving, the self centered I was lavished with gifts that all I want to have is being pampered, no one else. I am, I admit and agree I was a spoiled brat. I lived and grow up in a big house where my little toes can’t fathom its size.

I am the poor little rich girl. I have what I need and want. I don’t have friends but I have lots of them. See the irony of life? I’m lonely; I have no friends but all kids from among the Town that I lived looked up to me like a real princess. I remembered being so mean, that’s the ugly truth to being so spoiled then.

Looking back, my secondary life is likewise a boring stage compared to the technology students are having and enjoying right now. I was enrolled in a private school where I played a major rule on its existence. Not because we owned the Tambis scholarship for kids or family that can’t afford to give financial support for a secondary education, but it was another gift God has given me. I studied my first year education three years before my age; acceleration is one of the best results given to kids who surpass mental coyness and logical comprehension. Maybe I was just a fast learner.

I am not a good sport man, my brothers have had no choice but to teach me play billiard and I must win. I will cry river if I lost. I’m not good, but I can play, the only problem is that they have to let me win because I am the youngest. I am always the best and the first. So they tricked me into a mind game, chess. Still, I can never win but I’m always the winner. Even my uncle has to let go of his pride just to make me believe that I won the game. I tried my best, because in my heart I played for real only my knowledge and my thinking faculty was not that sharp compared to their abilities. But still I stand out, I won.

It was one hot afternoon when our school conducted an intra-murals, it’s a sport oriented celebration where I tried my hands on volleyball, softball, long jump and so many others. My granny was devastatingly angry when she learned what I did. She was not mad but she was scared to death. I have this angina pectoris and my heart is too weak for hard stuff like outdoor sports. I was born with it. I was the precious one that she would kill anyone I mean anyone who will make me sweat. Scary though, but I felt I love the heat under my skin, I wasn’t tired, I never was. They were just too over protective. Then, I tried track and field. Would you believe I won all races? I’m a gold medalist.

I went home with a heavy heart; I was so down with my accomplishment. My eyes were heavy filled with tears. My little heart was revolting inside; I was angry, really; really angry. I heard someone commented on my triumph, the medals, the trophies were as good as stolen. I was not good at all, they just let me win. I was a Tambis and that was my winning points. I hated the very idea of it. For a split second I hated all of them for making me look so fragile when I am not. The title was in my hand for a year. I vowed never to return it; I know I was great in my own little way.

My auntie and my cousins are, or let me say proudly that we are genetically from a lineage of a ballet dancers. I was not allowed to do ballet or gymnastics due to my condition. Outdoor sports is a big no, no. gymnastics and ballet dancing is also prohibited not by law by my granny’s law, the tyrant. So I tricked her to buy me a roller skates and a hula hoop. Wish granted. Little did she know that roller skating is a murderous stunt for a beginner like me, who doesn’t have a real coach to train me the tricks.

I never played the roller skates in front of my granny for more than a month but her ever watchful eyes didn’t escape the bruises I have on my knees elbows and on my shoulder. She went berserk with the hematoma. So I was grounded and was ordered not to stay outdoor, without my chaperone, well, I always have my bodyguards but they don’t carry guns. They are equipped with more than a gun. What a life it really sucks.

One night, I ordered people to leave our house, all those neighbors sitting on our very long sofa, the young and the old alike were asked to go home. Even those who were already asleep on the marble floor was awakened, I needed the space for my stunt. No T.V. showing for just that night. It so happened that we were the only one who has a television set in our Town and a big one at that. I really didn’t care when they say that I was really a mean spoiled brat. They say I was different, I was the black sheep, and I was this and that.

My brothers were trying to bribe me to play basketball with them, they knew it, I love to play the game and with that, I would be opening the T.V. on the lanai so their friends could come back and watch. I took my roller skates and made them tie the knots for me. My uncles were watching me, I can see in their eyes anger mixed with pity but my granny was speechless. I started walking like a drunk, and I dance, I spin once and I started swaying. Then the gymnastics that I was practicing for more than a month; it was my one private show. The dance, the steps, the moves everything was coordinated by instinct. I was tired of spinning, laughing and giggling; they don’t want me to stop. They loved it, everybody does even they eyes of those sleepy little kids shine like diamonds while they watch me spin, laugh and dance. It wasn’t envy, they love it, and they love me. That was it; I won because I fought the battle face to face.

Politics run in our blood, our bloodline, the town’s mayor is a very close friend of our family and there are political post held by the Tambis clan, from my great, great grand parents to down to my father. So in every occasion I became the most awaited part. The only roller skate dancer in our place and I was very young at that. Then I started to have a private gymnastic tutor, amazingly I was into it, I love the music when I sway and was enrolled to ballet. I was so skinny and tall for my age and not to mention, gifted. Then I slide to Tahitian dance and belly dancing.

I was occupied with my dancing lessons, I became famous in my own right, and I forgot sports. But still I have my play house and I play even when I was already a high school girl. I got tired of travelling and I started scribbling notes when I’m not dancing. I played my roller skating stunts inside the house and eventually I got tired of it.

Another season came, someone from another place a transferee has claimed the gold medal that I have for track and field. That was my luck too prove myself worthy of it, she was far from being intimidated by the Tambis name. She was a full scholar as an athlete, she has the right to the gold she won it but I was not yet ready to hand it. It was a challenge she has to take and I choice I have to make. To cut the story short, the medals really belongs to me not because I am a Tambis but simply because I am the wonderful child of the universe.

When my aunt Poppy Tambis, won the World Cup Champion in Bowling and I saw how the tension were coping up with her, the muscle build up and the strain to hold for the title, I told myself that they were right afterall.

Then I started coming out of the nutshell I hide, I write poems and winning declamation pieces but unfortunately I haven’t written a song. I don’t know how, maybe because I can’t sing when almost all my kinfolk have well balance vocal chords and they can all sing pretty well and good. I graduated high school with special honors and until to this date my record is intact; even in college my track record is for gold. Modesty aside, I was almost a gintong- alay scholar with Lydia de Vega in Baguio City. I was set to join, but my uncle, my granny also my brothers told me that there is no need for me to prove myself in sports. But the real reason behind it is that, they were too conservative and protective. It was my wearing the skimpy shorts for runners that made them stop me; secondly my uncle said that my front bumper is no way made for a runner.

So I was allowed to join the theater guild way back in college to continue dancing, I failed drama class, I can’t hold my tear ducts and can’t control my laughter and no way for singing though, I have the voice for speaking. I still run, I lead and I write.

During my college years, I started losing my interest in my play house, I made my room look like one and stay there when I’m less busy at school. I wasn’t interested in dating, I don’t drink, don’t smoke, I go to parties but I don’t stay up late. I have a curfew and always have George and Vicente watching over me grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I hate it. They are not the only ones who were watching me and my safety, but they were considered the best from among the many.

I know the reasons now, why I was that protected, but during my younger years I didn’t understand, I don’t want to understand it. The largest bus hold up in the Philippine history with victory liner where I was there with my aunt. I gave them millions of pesos and we are not talking of million but with S on it. But I never felt the need to hide, but when I experienced a Muslim kidnapping I remembered why I need protection. This time, I am well protected.